Some time ago, two young boys sat in my office each with their concerned parent. The conflict between the boys involved some stolen property which one boy stole from the other boy. While the property had been returned and an apology was offered and received, there was still some tension between the boys. The source of the tension was a lack of a clear view of their future relationship. Could they trust each other? When they saw each other at school or around town, they tried to ignore each other. This, of course, led to more confusion and tension between them. I asked the boys if they wanted to make some promises about how their relationship could be better in the future. One boy, who owned the property that was stolen, readily said that he still wanted to be friends with the other boy. He also said that he missed him and that he had forgiven him. The other boy, who stole the property, said that he missed being with the other boy and wanted him to come over to his house to play. They agreed to call each other with invitations to play. They also agreed to go to camp together. The mediation ended on a good note because of their willingness to make some promises to each other. What can we learn from the boys? Redeeming a relationship requires trust building. Trust building requires making and keeping promises. If there is no trust between individuals either they are not making any promises or they are making promises and not keeping them.
“When agreements are made and kept, trust grows.” – Dr. Ron Claassen
1 comment:
Dears Tony and Bonnie,
Years after I have been exposed to your teachings on "costly peace", it barely dawns on me that back then I never envisaged that this sort of peace would be the kind I would need in my own dealings, too. I thought my character sheltered me from experiencing conflicts.
Conflict is a rug to the lounge of our daily living. This metaphor helps me realize that both latent and patent conflicts decorate our whole existence. I am posting this comment after having experienced various types of conflicts in just the recent past. These conflicts can include my interactions with my family, my church, my workmates and authorities, the State, the Government, my friends, my ministry partners, my fiancée, and --the two most important conflict buddies are the following -- GOD as well as – you might have suspected it– with MYSELF.
It’s a hard pill to swallow to merely accept that I am a “conflict-some person”; for such a self-evident reason as self-esteem. But just by listing all the people I can potentially clash with nails the fact. I must admit it; conflict is apart of whom I am. Because conflict is as evident as air and disease, "mediation is mandatory." As long as we have not “learnt” finding the way to peace by our own, as long as our wings of mercy are not strong enough for us to soar in the windy sky of forgiveness and forgetting, we are duty bound to accept the helping hand of people who have experience in bringing back into one loaf the scattered tiny pieces of relationships. This is determinant for our choice of a future.
Thank you Tony and Bonnie for opening our eyes to the deepest needs in life: trust, peace and happiness.
Count on my prayers for your support!
Luke
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