A period placed. before the end of a sentence

Someone once said, "The death of a child is like a period placed before the end of a sentence." I have sat with a number of parents who know what this means. I am also counted among those who mourn over the loss of a precious child.

Scott was born on November 23rd . . . on a Friday . . . just like today. Bonnie went into labor on Thanksgiving day . . . just like yesterday. Today Scott would have turned 28 years old. But the period came too soon. The sentence was assumed to go on. But it stopped shortly after birthday number sixteen.

How does one find redemptive value in the death of a child? My only hope is to be profoundly transformed in my soul; to be shaped by my child's life and death but yet not be totally defined by it. The death of a child is not to be wasted. That would be a double tragedy.

As I remember Scott today, I also remember Mindy, Claire, Oaks, Maci Jane, Anthony, Louie, Alyssa, and Kade. The last fourteen months have been very hard on our community. May God redemptively bless the families of those with periods placed. before the end of their sentence

A Redemptive Laugh

“We cried like beavers,” the young boy responded when I asked what he and his mother did when they visited his daddy’s grave site. Admittedly, I was perplexed by his answer.

So, I looked to his mother for some help. She explained that as they stood together looking down at her husband’s and his father’s headstone, her son asked, “Why are we crying so much?” She told him, “We are crying because we are bereaved.”

Oh, thank God for the humor and grace only little children can bring to tragic losses. True, sometimes we just have to “cry like beavers” as we face the reality of losing a precious loved one.

Adversarial or Redemptive?

Once in a while, I am asked to mediate a case that is on a Fresno court calendar. The court will actually spin-off a case where they feel mediation is a better option compared to entering the adversarial court option. Normally, these cases come through the Dispute Settlement Center in Fresno.

I was asked to mediate between two families entrenched in conflict. They both had hired attorneys, filed suits/counter suits, and they were ready to go to court. I can’t tell you the details but it started over something very minor in my opinion. None-the-less, the minor became major to the point of their willingness to go to court over it and spend a lot of money on legal advice and representation.

The night of the mediation came, the families came including fathers, mothers and children, and the attorneys came. I asked the attorneys to sit in the back and they complied.

I started with a simple process. First, guidelines on how we are going to talk to each other. Second, asked everyone to be constructive and they agreed. Third, talked about what happened including each person sharing what he/she did to make this conflict escalate. Fourth, talked about what we needed to do to make things as right as possible. Fifth, talked about what we can promise that will help each other have a clearer picture of what the future relationship looks like. In theological terms, what we simply did was confession, atonement, and repentance.

By the end of the evening, the attorneys were utterly amazed at the progress, reconciliation, and forgiveness that took place in their midst. In fact, they suggested the court date be cancelled and . . . they waived their fees!

Could it be what God has modeled and taught us to do really works? Hmmmmm . . .

"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried." - GK Chesterton

Redemptive Clarity

“It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.”
(Proverbs 19:2)

“Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)

So, what comes to mind? “Jumping to conclusions” “Think before you speak.” “Haste makes waste.” “Shoot first - ask questions later.”

People do not like confusion or tension. Sometimes those feeling cause them to have “zeal without knowledge” – i.e. to have a knee jerk reaction. They simply do not want to be confused or in tension. Therefore, they want to do something about it.

This is a good time to ask a question. Slow it down, stay confused a little longer, and ask a question, such as, “I am confused about ________ and I need some more information. I have a few questions. Would you mind helping me for a moment?”

I remember a family who made a quick decision without having all the facts. Most of the family members came to the same conclusion about one of the other family members. You see, “he” was the problem.

Actually, “he” was not the problem. The problem was not having all the information they needed to make a good decision. They were confused and, sadly, they drew their conclusions based on confusion without asking for clarity. Their confusion grew as they talked about “him” instead of talking to “him.” This led to a preemptive zeal that said “he” was the one to blame.

After five years of alienation, pain, and separation, one member finally asked a question about the confusion and tension most everyone felt by this time. The answer to his question brought a fresh perspective to which he responded with, “Oh, now I understand” - i.e. “he” was not the problem. This was the redemptive ah-ha moment. Yes, the light went on! Why didn’t the family member ask this question five years ago? Five years of broken relationships could have been avoided.

Nevertheless, it is never too late to reconcile. Ask for clarity today. Experience the ah-ha moment. Sometimes, gaining new information means you can make a new decision – a redemptive decision based on clarity . . . and not confusion.