Nothing is reconciled until someone invites.
I am confused over two positions I often hear among
believers. People tell me they want to
restore broken relationships, but then they add, “Not now.” Excuses range from: I am not ready, they are
not ready, it is not the right time, coming together will only make things
worse, conflict will take care of itself, or time heals all wounds.
Here’s another excuse.
I received an email from a pastor who experienced conflict with a few
church elders. The elders eventually
left the church. The pastor invited them
to come together to discuss the conflict.
The elders stated they had “prayerfully considered the suggestion for
further discussion and collectively agreed that the cause and testimony of the
Lord Jesus Christ in the community would be impacted in a negative manner by
any more discussion.” Instead, the
ex-elders started another church.
Actually, reconciliation would have had the bigger impact in the
community.
Frankly, there is a huge disconnect in what we say we
believe and what we do. This is
particularly true in our approach to resolving conflict. We know what the Scriptures teach: “go” to
the other party whether we are the offender or the offended (Matthew 5:23, 24;
18:15-20); reconciliation of relationships is a prerequisite to worship
(Matthew 5:23, 24); deal with today’s anger today (Ephesians 4:26); live in
peace (Ephesians 4:3); and seek agreement (I Corinthians. 1:10). We know Jesus is especially with us during
the process of reconciling relationships (Matthew 18:20). We even know that peacemakers in God’s
Kingdom are blessed and identified with the Most High God of Peace (Matthew
5:9). There is no logic to this
disconnect between what we know to be true and how we actually live.
Dr. Jerry Sheveland, President of the Baptist General
Conference, makes an important point regarding the best time to resolve
conflict. He simply asks, “Why wait for
a harder moment than this one to begin a process of honesty and grace . . ?”
Now is the time for reconciliation. Don’t wait for a more difficult
opportunity. There is no hope of
reconciliation until someone invites the other party into a process of
restoring the relationship. Someone has
to do the work of invitation. Why not
now?
1 comment:
Thanks for the reminder, Tony.
Whether offender or offendee...it has been said that, from a biblical standpoint, they ought to run into each other on the way to the other person's house :)
Biblical imperatives are just that...imperative. No wiggle room.
In the church, too often the issue is less of substance than of personality clash, hence the reticence to deal with it. That's also been true of many so called "doctrinal" issues, fueled by polarizing leaders.
In the one example you shared, you mentioned a schism between a pastor and the elders. It's hard to bring an issue to the leaders of the church if the leaders are part of the problem. "The redemptive power of invitation" starts at the top, with humble and vulnerable leadership. We could use more of those.
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