Breaking the ties that keep binding us in conflict . . .

“Eight Ways to Turn Disagreements into Feuds” By Ron Kraybill



1. “Easily the most potent tool for ensuring a life well-scarred by disputes is to develop and maintain a healthy fear of conflict.”

2. “If perchance you do get in a situation where you are discussing a conflict with the other party involved, be as vague as possible about the issues.”

3. “The third commandment of conflict maintenance is to assume that you know all the facts of the matter and that they (the facts) clearly indicate you are right.”

4. “An effective variation, particularly useful in those situations where a rather unassertive person is upset with you, is to announce that you will talk with anyone who wishes to discuss problems with you – then let it be known that your responsibility ends there.”

5. “Latch onto whatever evidence you can find – count on it, you’ll always be able to find some – showing that the main problem is the other party is jealous of you.”

6. “Judge the motivation of the other party on the basis of one or two mistakes on their part.”

7. “If all these conflict maintaining mechanisms fail and, despite your best efforts, you find yourself engaging in discussion with your opponent, approach resolution as a strictly win/lose situation.”

8. “Your last line of recourse, if somehow a proposal is brought to you that might resolve the dispute, is to respond that you are not in a position to negotiate.”

“There you have it folks. Master these principles in one dispute, and you will find it easier to get involved in others as well. Those interested in avoiding change and growth in personal relationships should find these principles particularly helpful. A few simmering disputes will in time differentiate bland souls with obvious scars. It’ll make them real characters!”